Truthful outspit for IB World Teacher who feels sorely let down by her International School

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Grown Up Professional (GUP) face

This is what I want – a GUP face.

Form: Positive. Face relaxed into what could turn into a smile.

The least positive form it takes is that of attentive concern i.e. still positive. When feeling perplexed, I still have a steady gaze and relaxed mouth. I’d like to avoid the glassy look in the eyes that many other GUPs have. But still, that’s better than not being GUP. Also, it can send a message that the other person is not being appropriately GUP.


I’m a big girl now. I can do it.



Wow – now was that sincere or not?


It seems that inside the box of carved insincerety there is another one which you can can open and be sincere through. Because everyone is shielded by the insincere box.


how stupid of me to not already know that.


And the boxes continue. It might just be the way to prevent a Pandora’s box siyuation. Keep the demons contained and you can keep opening boxes.


The boxes are still there, waiting around. I know a few more will be opened today.


Masochistic desire to grab the bull by the horns and see the BS clearly

Seriously – after all the smarmy management speak yesterday I need to make sense of what is real and what is not.


If BS is real, I’d like to see it uncovered and unfettered. Perhaps that’s why I want to act stupid and helpful like the one face among thousands that I’m supposed to behave like. And hear it out loud.


This is virgin territory. I have literally never gone to talk to a boss deliberately to brown nose/BS/be without candour.

Well – here we go………..


Meeting with BIG BOSS

Not sure why I feel so short changed here.

What did Martin Luther King Jr. say?

“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”

BIG BOSS is sincere. He is. And he means so so well. And he’s intelligent. But there’s something not right.

I feel like I am  an expendible commodity. That shouldnt happen in the business of running a school. Perhaps less me than husband who is a mere mortal (classroom teacher), but it took a comment from him to make me see where the source of my feeling of being shortchanged came from.

Anyway. Its not about that. Its about me doing what I want to as a teacher. And where this all fits in is about the issue of “can we lead and inspire authenticity while also feigning authenticity every now and then?” because it seems I could lose some of my weight in the industry I find myself in if I remain totally authentic.

Perhaps that’s not it.Do I need to review what I happen to be authentic about? Ultimately , if I want to inspire good paractice and empowerment within out students by setting an example, well, I can be authentic about that. But when I reach a silly hurdle of people who are better off ignored, should I be authentic and make it an open issue? Or should I walk past them and get on with the real job at hand?

I think I know the answer.

A new day

I’m trying to connect to clarity this morning. Waking earlier in order to have an hour to recalibrate works better some days more than others.

Do I feel fear today? Yes, somewhere there is this feeling of almost pain deep inside my middle. Can I hold it together without losing faith in where I am and what I do. How can someone have so much belief and yet so little?

A cup of tea is a good idea.

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