Truthful outspit for IB World Teacher who feels sorely let down by her International School

Grown Up Professional (GUP) face

This is what I want – a GUP face.

Form: Positive. Face relaxed into what could turn into a smile.

The least positive form it takes is that of attentive concern i.e. still positive. When feeling perplexed, I still have a steady gaze and relaxed mouth. I’d like to avoid the glassy look in the eyes that many other GUPs have. But still, that’s better than not being GUP. Also, it can send a message that the other person is not being appropriately GUP.


I’m a big girl now. I can do it.



Wow – now was that sincere or not?


It seems that inside the box of carved insincerety there is another one which you can can open and be sincere through. Because everyone is shielded by the insincere box.


how stupid of me to not already know that.


And the boxes continue. It might just be the way to prevent a Pandora’s box siyuation. Keep the demons contained and you can keep opening boxes.


The boxes are still there, waiting around. I know a few more will be opened today.


Masochistic desire to grab the bull by the horns and see the BS clearly

Seriously – after all the smarmy management speak yesterday I need to make sense of what is real and what is not.


If BS is real, I’d like to see it uncovered and unfettered. Perhaps that’s why I want to act stupid and helpful like the one face among thousands that I’m supposed to behave like. And hear it out loud.


This is virgin territory. I have literally never gone to talk to a boss deliberately to brown nose/BS/be without candour.

Well – here we go………..


Meeting with BIG BOSS

Not sure why I feel so short changed here.

What did Martin Luther King Jr. say?

“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”

BIG BOSS is sincere. He is. And he means so so well. And he’s intelligent. But there’s something not right.

I feel like I am  an expendible commodity. That shouldnt happen in the business of running a school. Perhaps less me than husband who is a mere mortal (classroom teacher), but it took a comment from him to make me see where the source of my feeling of being shortchanged came from.

Anyway. Its not about that. Its about me doing what I want to as a teacher. And where this all fits in is about the issue of “can we lead and inspire authenticity while also feigning authenticity every now and then?” because it seems I could lose some of my weight in the industry I find myself in if I remain totally authentic.

Perhaps that’s not it.Do I need to review what I happen to be authentic about? Ultimately , if I want to inspire good paractice and empowerment within out students by setting an example, well, I can be authentic about that. But when I reach a silly hurdle of people who are better off ignored, should I be authentic and make it an open issue? Or should I walk past them and get on with the real job at hand?

I think I know the answer.

Leave your ego behind and smile

Leave your ego behind and smile at people you meet throughout the day.

The worst thing that’ll happen is that someone else has a better day.

A new day

I’m trying to connect to clarity this morning. Waking earlier in order to have an hour to recalibrate works better some days more than others.

Do I feel fear today? Yes, somewhere there is this feeling of almost pain deep inside my middle. Can I hold it together without losing faith in where I am and what I do. How can someone have so much belief and yet so little?

A cup of tea is a good idea.

More idiocy

A staff party which was misplanned, mismanaged with noone taking responsibility for it. Wine and Cheese almost all gone 15 minutes into the party. No water available, nothing for the non-drinkers, of whom they are plenty. And key select Teacher Gems did individual things out of their own time and effort to boost things up. But it was Gems in a load of slushy muck.

Speaking of water, how do we get water to drink in this new environment that we have found ourselves in this school? So far, two water fountains for kids have been sighted. What about the water coolers we used to have for staff? Nothing.

Husband, also working for the school, gave up a while ago and bought his own computer. Senior Admin have the new model machines, a few select members of staff (me included) got some old model macs while the remaining bunch have archaic models that can take up to 10 minutes to boot up and crash all the time. So husband, following a few conversations with the relevant people, gave up and spent his own money to buy his own school computer.

Our school hired an academic advisor this year who is part of senor admin. This lady is yet to speak to a single mainstream high school teacher. Parents look at High School results. But the focus, the nurture and the attention goes only to Primary.

This is so stupid.

Yesterday had a few victories

This was with my team. I seemed to have progressed with each and every person. The Dissenter agreed to meet and was openly productive without presenting an ounce of mistrust.
Too-busy-to-meet found time to block out space in the schedule tomorrow.
Scared-and-silent joined me experimenting with making something.
Two Cheerfuls were both still cheerful and I had a laugh with each.

And I think it was because of the following:
1) I came in to school in the morning with the aura of my affirmation around me “I live in the present moment and in that moment I am my absolute best”.
2) I let garbled issue of organising planning meetings be fluid, realised these guys take ages to reach emails and grabbed opportunities to approach face-to-face.
3) When I did see them, I was firm and direct about the need to meet and why. I heard the same arguments against and had an answer. It seemed to be enough to make it happen.

I was almost shaking after one of the encounters. It was so confrontational, in my eyes – even though, technically, it was only assertive. Because I was enforcing something I knew to be right under my leadership vision, but not something anyone else is doing. But it appeared to be received with – at worse – acceptance that I’m trying to achieve something, or – at best – respect for having a clearer opinion than previously credited for.

The meeting was as constructive an MYP Unit planning meeting as there ever was one. We ended up sharing opinions and appreciating different viewpoints. Best is that we could both see that the guiding questions we had inherited were uninspiring and that we had not nailed the topic enough to know what they should be:) So we will revisit at a later stage of the cycle. Fantastic 🙂 The cycle is in motion.

What else – my lessons weren’t bad. The students were distracted with the first day, but it was nice to Boss to see me with a practical the very first lesson. The kids were in the midst of discussion and engagement. All that stuff. I looked good.

Today’s Affirmation

I live in the present moment,

and in that moment,

I am my absolute best.

My optimistic MYP Unit Plan

As a bit of an MYP geek, it made sense to me to try to analyse today’s  personal burning issues in the form of a Stage 1 Unit planner.

At the moment, the lack of MYP mindset in our school and the false claims that we make is driving me nuts. The negativity and anti-‘concept’ nature of certain staff members is something I need to not be angry about. Hopefully writing about this will help me to see clearly.

My (Optimistic) MYP Plan

AOI:    Human Ingenuity and Environment
Significant Concept:

            – Inspiring learning and leadership spreads virally
Guiding Questions:
            – Which key moments lead to developing trust in leaders in the school workplace?
– How can inspiration be expressed so that it is contagious in a positive way?
I’m finding it very hard, right now, to remain inspired. Quite the opposite, in fact. I’ve been snapping at people and feeling like there really is no hope. I guess the larger picture is that even if teachers aren’t MYP, they can still teach kids.
Trouble is, we can’t build a curriculum with teachers not being anywhere on the same page.

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